Zelda climbed the stairs that led up into the small cafe on the waterfront. The building sat up on pilings and was gray and weather-beaten. She hoped the stairs would hold the weight of both her and her mother, Ida, as they made their way into the restaurant. Ida was quite large and Zelda was equally, if not more, generously endowed. “Hooee! I can smell that smoked mullet from here!” said Ida enthusiastically.
“If we ever make it up these stairs, I’m gonna eat three,” stated Zelda.
“Hope they’ve got plenty of hush puppy mix. I love the way they add green peppers and onions and deep fry them till they’re just getting crunchy.”
“Look at all those oyster shells.” Zelda pointed out.
“They’re gonna have another pile that big when I leave here!” grinned Ida.
They picked a roomy table by a window and sat down gratefully. Martha Ann, the waitress, came over to their table and gave them some menus. Right away the women ordered a pitcher of sweet iced tea and four dozen raw oysters. “Better get some more cocktail sauce out of the cooler. I got a feeling you’re gonna need it,” said Ellis, the cook, as he eyed the two women.
“Lorda mercy, Ells, the last time those two were here, they cleaned us outa hush puppies and we ended up shucking ever last oyster we had,” warned Martha Ann.
“Pass that cocktail sauce over thisaway,” said Zelda as she piled three oysters on her cracker.
“How do you do that?” asked Ida.
“What?” replied Zelda.
“Pile those oysters up like that. I tried it once, but only two would fit. The third one slid off,” Ida exclaimed.
“You’ve gotta stack ‘em just right,” explained Zelda as she aimed the food towards her open mouth.
“Did you see that?” Martha Ann blurted out after Zelda had consumed the oysters.
“I ain’t never seen nobody be able to stack ‘em like that,” admitted Ellis.
“Reckon she can do four?” speculated Martha Ann.
“Tell her she gets a free dozen if she can do four.” Ellis put in.
“That’s easy,” laughed Zelda when Martha Ann told her of the cook’s offer.
Ellis came out of the kitchen and hollered out the back door for Musser, the dish washer.
“I weren’t finished with my cigarette.” complained Musser.
“Just wait till you see this!” said Martha Ann. And, just for show, Zelda picked out the four biggest oysters and stacked them on her cracker. One seemed like it was about to slide off and upset the balance of the whole thing, but Zelda flicked her wrist and it remained steady.
“Grayetgawdamighty!” said Musser slowly as he watched her consume the pile.
“I’ll buy you the next dozen if you can do five,” challenged Martha Ann.
“And yu’all get all the sweet tea you can drink,” added Ellis, confident it was impossible.
By that time, several others had come into the restaurant and gotten interested in what was going on. A small crowd had gathered and a few folks were making bets on the next feat. The oysters were served and everyone was silent as Zelda theatrically stacked the oysters one by one. At first, the oysters slid off and plopped down onto her plate, but she stacked them again and winked at her mother as she glided them smoothly into her mouth. “Let’s go for six. I’m buying the nex dozen if you can do it," offered a man in the crowd.
“No problem.” smiled Zelda.
This time, she had more difficulty and it took her longer to create a stable pile. She picked smaller oysters and didn’t look as confident as she did before. A few more people had come in and gotten interested in the unique entertainment. The crowd was quiet as she carefully opened her mouth as wide as it would go and successfully guided the mountain of oysters inside.
“It’s gonna take her all night to swaller that pile!” giggled a woman.
“Wanna go for seven?” yelled someone else.
“Nope! That’s it!” answered Zelda. “I’m done,” she stated indifferently. “I gotta save room for smoked mullet and hush puppies," she added.
Martha Ann sighed and Ellis went back into the kitchen, still chuckling. After the two women got finished eating, they happily waddled out the door and down the steps. Then, Martha Ann took the empty dishes into the kitchen for Musser to wash.
“By the way, them two had such a good time, they promised they’d be back!” announced Martha Ann.
“Guess I’d better prop up them stairs, then!” muttered Ellis.
