Janna was trying to break in a new waitress at the diner and refrain from smoking cigarettes at the same time. She’d been smoking since age thirteen, so quitting nicotine was a major undertaking. And the new help had been getting on her nerves since she walked in the door. The poor little thing was only about five feet tall and scared out of her mind. She kept asking the same questions over and over again. Said her name was Tina.
Janna would reply and look over at an old pack of cigarettes that had been sitting up next to the cash register for about three months. When they finally got a couple of tables to wait on, Janna had to follow the frightened Tina around to make sure she did everything properly.This only succeeded in making Tina even more nervous and Janna more irritable.
On top of that, a two year old in a highchair was wildly flinging mashed potatoes all over the dining room, while his mother sat, oblivious, reading the newspaper. Janna stomped over, snatched up his mashed potatoes, and started walking away with them. Big mistake. That kid let out a howl loud enough to pierce eardrums and give Janna a tension headache. “Where are you going with his dinner?” yelled Mom, who had finally emerged from her tabloid stupor. Tina turned pure white and shook so hard, she dropped a pitcher full of ice tea. It spewed all over the demonic toddler and his furious mom. This made the child scream louder and his mom spout obscenities worthy of a shrimp boat captain.
Janna stomped out into the back alley to calm down and check for leftover cigarette butts. Not finding any, she chugged a couple of miniature vodkas she had stashed in her apron. With Janna long gone, Tina stood there trembling helplessly. “Would you like some more iced tea?” she finally managed to blurt out. In the meantime, junior had reached over and snatched up a squeeze bottle full of mustard. He was finally quiet, until he accidentally squirted himself in the eye, whereupon the fiendish youngster howled even louder. Then, when Janna got back from the alley, she took one look at the situation and stalked over to confront the raging parent. It was testy at first, but then Tina shoved a lollipop at the child just in time. “Well, ain’t that sweet?” said Mom as she sat back and reached for her newspaper.
Meanwhile, an enormous red-headed man had seated himself at the counter and was perusing the menu with great interest. Tina timidly approached him and set down a glass of water. “This here water has a bug in it!” stated the man. Not knowing what else to do, Tina grabbed a spoon and began trying to remove the insect.
But, before he could object, Janna approached. “Well, if it ain’t my favorite waitress!” grinned the man.
“Grab mybutt more time and I’ll slap the fire out of you!” snapped Janna.
Tina started to cry, so Janna sent her to the lady’s room to wash her face. Soon, she emerged, still sniffling and smelling of cheap hand soap.
About that time, here came Miss Agnes, who was about a hundred years old and wore fake diamonds on every finger. She was led to a table by a tall, thin woman sporting a brand new permanent wave. “Set right down here, Aunt Agnes, and I’ll read the menu out loud for you.” she instructed.
“What’s that smell coming off your head?” asked Agnes.
Tina shyly approached them and set down two glasses of water, making sure there were no insects swimming around inside. “Are them things real?” she asked as she pointed at Miss Agnes’s adornments.
“No. Can I have a beer?” replied Agnes. Janna scowled at her from across the room.
By this time, Tina was so scared and confused, it was of great comfort to get back into the warm kitchen and into the presence of Java, the cook. She was a kindly woman with a big belly and an even bigger smile. Tina gave her the ladies’ order and went and sat down on a milk crate by the back door, looking distraught. Java noticed this and lumbered over to the new girl. “Don’t worry, it’s fixing to get better,” she said with a shrug.
“Why? Did everybody leave?” sniffed Tina.
“Nope,” grinned Java. “Looks like Janna finally gave in and lit up one a them stale cigarettes!”
