“There ain’t no alligators in Arkansas!” scoffed Odie disdainfully.
“Wanna bet?” replied Rupert, who sat next to him in a barber’s chair. “Why I was huntin’ up there one time and run up on one of the biggest dern alligators I ever seen in my life. Why he was so old he couldn’t even run. All he did was hobble around.”
“How did you know it was old and not just crippled?” asked Odie skeptically.
“Why the darn thing’s false teeth kept slipping!” hooted Rupert.
Lester, the barber, just rolled his eyes and kept on cutting. He was used to this weekday morning banter in his little barber shop that sat next to the home-style restaurant next door.
All the old geezers would meet around seven thirty in the morning at the restaurant for coffee and an invigorating flirt with the two waitresses. Then a few of them would stop into Lester’s shop for a shave or a haircut and some more conversation. “I like that new electric hair clipper you’ve got there. Kinda reminds me of my weed-eater before it went ka-pop,” said Odie.
“Good thing he ain’t cuttin’ my nose hairs with it,” grinned Rupert. Lester just kept on trimming.
In about fifteen minutes, the downtown office ladies would start trekking by on their way to the restaurant for their lunch break. Now, this was an event that Lester and his elderly cronies looked forward to. In fact, all conversation would cease until these ladies sauntered on by. Then, it would start up again in earnest.
“Hooee! Did you see Miss Charlotte? She’s put on a pound or ten lately. Wonder if there ain’t a pie in that oven,” observed Odie wickedly.
The rest of them whooped their approval as the last two ladies strolled by. “Now that one there on the right used to be married to my cousin Brett. You ort to have heard some of the wild stunts she pulled. He had about two years more than he could stand, even if she does have a nice derriere,” stated Lester.
“What’s a derriere?” asked Rupert.
“What kind of wild stunts?” asked Odie.
“Yu’all calm down. You ain’t seen the best yet. Sugar Pie Sparks is gonna come sashaying right on by that picture window in about five seconds,” shushed Lester as he set his clippers down in order to concentrate better. Sure enough, here came Sugar Pie Sparks in a tight black outfit, spike heels, and a hairdo straight out of 1961.
“Wish she’d drop her hankie or somethin’. That there dress is likely to hike all the way up to Alaska if she bends over,” muttered Odie loud enough for everyone to hear.
“That dress is likely to split wide open if she takes a deep breath,” added Lester.
“Where’d she come from?” asked Rupert, who was miffed at not knowing anything about the lady.
“Nobody knows, but she just got on at the law office. Won’t be long before ole Judge Princh hires her out from under their noses. That old lech ends up hirin’ them all sooner or later,” smirked Odie.
“I heard she couldn’t even type and she’s been married four times already,” remarked Lester knowingly.
“No!” said the other two in mock disbelief.
Well, it wasn’t even a week later that the same two gentlemen were right back in Lester’s barber shop at exactly the same time of the morning. “You missed a few hairs. They popped up all of a sudden and I couldn’t reach ‘em myself,” explained Odie as he sat down in the barber’s chair.
“And I need to get my beard trimmed,” smiled Rupert.
“You ain’t got no beard,” murmured Lester with a grin.
“Here they come!” said Odie excitedly as the first few ladies walked by.
“I heard Dolly Ann used to be a hooker up in Atlanta. That’s how Doc Murdock met her.” Lester claimed with great seriousness.
“No kiddin’! You’d never know it now. She ain’t nothin’ but proper. Church ever Sunday. Kids always clean and polite. Bet she was a heck of a hooker, judging by the way she swings them hips,” leered Odie.
“I see why they call her Sugar Pie.” Rupert smacked as she and the last few ladies strolled on by.
”I heard Judge Princh had her out there at the lodge last night for an ‘interview’,” said Lester with raised eyebrows.
“What took him so long?” pondered Odie. “Those ladies sure do talk a lot. Why they haven’t stopped chattering yet.” said Odie as he watched them disappear into the restaurant.
“Shoot - you know how women are,” smirked Rupert.
“Yeah,” added Lester, “all they do is gossip!”
