Darnell heaved her basket of laundry onto a table and began sorting, putting the whites in a pile and the colored fabrics in another. She was about to put the white pile into a washing machine, when another woman came over and slammed the lid down. "I always use this here machine,” said the woman.
“Well, I got here first,” replied Darnell as she opened the lid and began stuffing her things inside.
The woman then went off in a huff, but Darnell didn’t care. She just put her quarters in the machine and sat down to read a soap opera magazine.
It wasn’t long before she noticed the woman stealthily easing over to the disputed washing machine. Darnell watched her out of the corner of her eye. The woman edged closer and closer, finally reaching out with one hand and going for the lid. “Hey! Watcha doing to my wash?” Darnell hollered in alarm.
“Just checking to see which cycle it’s on. This here is holding me up. I can’t do the shopping ‘til I get my clothes done!” complained the woman.
“I see six more washing machines empty.” Darnell pointed out.
“But this here’s my favorite!” snapped the woman.
Then, she stalked off, cussing and mumbling under her breath. And when she sat down, she stared at Darnell through squinted eyes. Darnell pretended to keep on reading. Eventually, however, their eyes met. "By the way, what’s your name?” asked Darnell.
“Why do you want to know?” snorted the woman.
“So I’ll know what name to put on my report,” retorted Darnell angrily.
“What report?”questioned the woman in surprise.
"The one I’m fixing to file on you!” snarled Darnell, who had no idea what kind of report she might attempt to file. At this, the woman stomped over to another machine and kicked it, still cussing and mumbling.
About that time, here came a big, heavy set woman and four little kids,who seemed to be having a howling contest. As she was dumping her clothes basket on the table, they all ran in different directions. One ran up to Darnell and grabbed onto her skirt with his filthy, snotty little fingers.“Gimme a quata!” he demanded.
So she gave him several, just to get rid of him. He immediately ran over to her washing machine and inserted the quarters. “Hey-what are you doing? Those clothes are almost done!” hollered Darnell. She rushed over to the machine and watched in disbelief as it began to fill up with water again. Darnell rushed over to Big Mama and said, “Can’t you control your litter of urchins?”
At that, the oversized matron stood upright and snarled “What urchins?” Darnell noticed that she had a tattoo of a rattlesnake curled around her neck and decided right then and there that they were not urchins at all.
Darnell went back to her magazine, while Big Mama stomped back and began stuffing her clothes into washing machines. Meanwhile, the kids ran into the restroom and turned all the faucets on full blast. It wasn’t long before the whole place was beginning to flood. As soon as Big Mama noticed the water was up around her ankles, she hoisted herself up and waded into the restroom to shut off the faucets. By this time, however, the children had stuffed nine advertising circulars and three rolls of toilet paper down the toilet. “I gotta go!” whined the littlest. Then, sure enough, when he got done, his mama flushed it, and the place began to flood again.
Meanwhile, the first woman, who wanted Darnell’s washing machine, hadn’t taken her eyes off of it. Finally, she took to walking in circles around the disputed washer, while it washed Darnell’s laundry all over again. “It’ll be dark before I get home now!” she snarled.
Darlene chose to ignore her, which caused the woman to snap completely. She suddenly came at Darnell with a large plastic soap powder scoop, screaming “Washer hog!” and waving it around like a club. Darnell managed to dodge her, but slipped on the wet floor and went scooting off into a nearby bench. In doing so, she sideswiped one of the kids, who began a high-pitched, high volume squeal. Then, Big Mama stood up.
Darnell could just see that tattoo on her neck start to throb. It even seemed to wriggle at the end. Big Mama was tomato red in the face and was snorting like a bull-gator. Darnell decided her best chance was to stare the huge menace down. But then, one of her evil little imps began to yowl that his hand was caught in a drain pipe!
So, when Big Mama lurched to the rescue, Darnell snatched up her wet clothes and headed for the car. As she drove off, she saw the first woman still shaking her soap scoop threateningly. So she shouted “It’s all yours!” and screeched off down the road.
When she got home, she headed straight to the refrigerator and grabbed a cold beer. Then, she went out on the back porch and sat down with her dog, Mable. Her husband, who knew she was a teetotaler, grew concerned.
He found her still out there a little bit later, trying to have a conversation with Mable, who would whine occasionally in response. “Is anything wrong?” he asked gingerly. He could tell by the lookin her eyes, he’d better not say the wrong thing.
She glared at him and chugged the rest of her beer.
”Oh no,” she replied sarcastically, “Just another boring afternoon at the laundromat!”
