Coretta was getting herself all fixed up, because tonight was her thirtieth class reunion. She had a new girdle from the dress shop downtown, and was trying to squeeze her ample backside into it. Just when she’d gotten it pulled up, her phone began to ring. It was her best friend, Lucille. “What are you wearing tonight?” asked Lucille, who was taking hot curlers out of her hair with one hand and holding the telephone with the other.
“Do you remember that cute little dress I’ve been trying to get into since last summer?” smiled Coretta.
“You finally lost ten pounds?” whooped Lucille.
“Well, not exactly. But if I hold my stomach in, it’ll fit,” replied Coretta.
“Well, I’ll be by to pick you up in about half an hour,” said Lucille as she took her last curler out.
The reunion was held in the current high school gym and a band had been hired to play oldies. Coretta and Lucille primped themselves one last time and headed for the front door, talking excitedly as they went.
“Is that who I think it is?” whispered Coretta.
“Yes. And it looks like he’s either got a skunk on his head or a new toupee!” Lucille muttered wickedly.
“Look - Miss Big Shot herself has just entered the room.” Coretta pointed out.
“And you were worried about losing ten pounds!” Lucille shot back delightedly.
“She looks like a baby hippo in that gray outfit, doesn’t she?” laughed Coretta. “Let’s go get ourselves a drink. It’s an open bar tonight!”
“Uh oh. I think your ex is here!” cautioned Lucille as she spotted Herbert walking in.
“He looks bad. I heard he drinks too much,” said Coretta as she chugged her margarita. Then, someone turned the lights down and the band began to play. “Are you gonna dance?”
“Well, I ain’t gonna be the first one out there and I ain’t gonna dance by myself,” replied Lucille.
Pretty soon, there were a few couples on the dance floor and one of Lucille’s old boyfriends was headed her way. “Can you believe how bald on top he is now?” whispered Coretta.
“Well, at least he’s tall and you can’t see the top of his head up close,” Lucille whispered back.
“Omygosh! It’s really you!” The old boyfriend declared as he approached. Lucille fluffed her hair a bit and gave him her most inviting smile. They danced two dances in a row, until the boyfriend declared he was out of breath and had to sit down.
“Well, you sure looked like a mullet out of water!” laughed Coretta when Lucille got back.
“At least somebody asked me to dance. I’m one up on you!” huffed Lucille.
“Let’s go check out what they got to eat,” suggested Coretta as she eyed the food.
“I heard the cake is all dried out,” stated Lucille.
“Yeah, but look at those chicken wings!” Coretta pointed out hungrily.
“Mmm! Pecan pie!” added Lucille as she grabbed a paper plate.
“My gosh, Coretta! You ate all that?” asked Lucille later on, as Coretta polished off her third plate of food.
“Honey, I’m just getting started.” Coretta answered, as she picked a piece of pecan out of her teeth with her long, pink fingernail.
“Yuck. Coretta, get a toothpick! That’s what they make them for,” Lucille said, disgusted.
About that time, Herbert started over towards their table. "Here he comes. Be nice,” warned Lucille as Coretta’s eyes glinted wickedly.
“Lucille, would you be a sweetie and go get me another margarita?” asked Coretta.
“Oh Lord,” muttered Lucille as she headed towards the bar.
“Lost a little weight,huh?” commented Herbert as he approached Coretta.
“What’s it to you?” she replied in a nasty voice.
“Not a goldarned thing,” he snorted as he picked up a plate.
So he noticed, she thought to herself smugly.
“Here’s your drink. I suggest you sip it slowly. I don’t like that look in your eye,” Lucille said as she handed her friend the margarita. But then, Coretta insisted on going over to talk to Herbert. “Coretta, please. . . .” whispered Lucille.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think she still has feelings for him,” said a nearby woman, as she strolled over.
“No. She just wants him to eat his heart out looking at her in that cute little dress,” sneered Lucille.
“Is she eating again?” remarked the woman as Coretta piled up her plate.
“She’s already had three helpings!” said Lucille in amazement. And just as Herbert slid his empty plate into the garbage can, Coretta sashayed over to where he stood. ”Uh oh," Lucille muruered as she watched them talking. Coretta was getting madder and louder and Herbert kept drinking his drink, even when it was empty.
Then, when Coretta finished giving her ex a piece of her mind, she turned, huffed, and walked back over to Lucille. “Let’s go," she said.
“Why? Did seeing Herbert upset you that much?” inquired Lucille with concern.
“No darn it!” Coretta whispered urgently, “That cheap girdle just busted aloose and my dress seams are starting to go!”
