I’m just sitting here minding my own business. The Big Pine Truck Stop is serving a lunch special of fried catfish and cheese grits, with lemon cream pie for desert, which I am enjoying immensely. Then a large red-headed woman comes over and says, “Listen here. Your dog is barking up a storm out there in your car. My Mickey is trying like heck to take a nap in the back seat of mine and that dern dog of yours keeps waking him up!” So I get up, fold my newspaper, and hurry out into the parking lot. Sure enough, Mojo is going ballistic. He’s a small yapper dog, part bulldog and part who-knows-what, with a nervous temperament.
There’s a kid in the car next to mine, who’s supposed to be napping, but isn’t. He’s got a box of paper clips and an evil look in his little eyes. I try to soothe Mojo, but he does his basic hyperactive dog thing. The licking I hate. There’s nothing worse than warm dog slobber on your hands when you’re trying to eat lunch. But, after all, Mickey is trying to go to sleep in his carseat and his mama is glaring at me through the plate glass window like I’m the one doing the barking. So I get Mojo settled down by feeding him some of the leftover french fries from yesterday. Unfortunately, he eats the napkin they were wrapped in, too. Which made me worry about stomach clogs.
Finally, I’m able to return to my seat in the truck stop restaurant and get a mouthful of cold coffee, which was gross, but I have to swallow it anyway, because I’m in public. Right when I get to the local section of the paper and get a bite of my catfish, here she comes again. “My Mickey ain’t never gonna get his nap out! Do you know how aggravating a two year old can be when they don’t get their nap out?” That did it. Forget the cheese grits and the soggy hush puppies. Forget finishing the local section of the newspaper,which I really want to read, because my brother made the news by winning a hog calling contest. Forget everything except Mojo and Mickey. So here I go again.
The parking lot. My derned barking dog. Mickey in his derned car seat trying to get his nap out. Sure enough, ole Mojo calms down after I let him get spit all over me again. So much for the catfish! When I get back inside, that big red-headed woman is talking to the waitress about me. I can tell by the way they both keep looking over at me. Can I help it if Mojo gets vocal once in a while? So then I get smart. I ditch the paper and my lunch special and watch out the window at the parking lot. And, sure enough, the waitress is rude to me when I ask her for some hot coffee. Meanwhile, Mrs. Heifer got extra mashed potatoes without even asking for them. But I bide my time. Just watching and drinking lukewarm coffee because the waitress is just downright ignoring me.
Bingo. I see what is happening. Mickey isn’t trying to get his nap out after all. He is throwing paper clips at my car and trying to hit Mojo. And every time Mojo gets pinged by a paper clip, he barks. Which makes Mickey throw more paper clips. “Lady, your two-year old is tormenting my precious littledog. Would you please refrain him from throwing paper clips at Mojo before he hits him in the eye?” I say in my most outraged voice. She slams her fork down and stomps out the door. Then, she marches over and snatches the paper clips away from Mickey, who’s already swallowed half of them. And, that causes him to let out a howl you could hear on the other side of town.
Evidently, the red-headed women is hard of hearing, because she just marches back to her mountain of mashed potatoes and gives me a mean look. And since my lemon cream pie is all melted and topped off with a black fly, I order a fresh one. And that waitress, who still hasn’t brought the hot coffee, just glares at me and flounces back to the cooler. This time I get one that looks like it has been in there for a good two years. In fact, it looks like it is encased in glue. The top of it is pure crunchy. Which makes me gag, so I take another swallow of cold coffee. Then, she side-eyes big mama, who smirks in reply. That waitress is on her side, for sure!
