Henry was just sitting there on the beach, poking at a sand crab that seemed determined to make off with the last half of his sandwich. He’d poke at it with the end of an empty beer bottle and it would skitter backwards. Then, as soon as he’d turn his attention elsewhere, back it would come. Now, Henry was a large, round man with a voracious appetite. He’d waited in line for thirty seven minutes to get his sandwich, sure he was going to faint away from hunger any minute. Then, he had to pay twelve dollars, plus tax, for the darn thing. Problem was, by the time he got back to his beach lounge-chair, he’d already downed three beers and was feeling full.
He ate as much as he could, then carefully wrapped the remains in a napkin and sat it down in his bulky shade. He sat back and closed his eyes, savoring the smell of the sea and enjoying the subtle buzz he’d gotten from the beer. Then, when he opened them again, there was that sand crab trying to dig through the napkin and delve into the tasty morsels inside. Shooing it away like a cat or dog did no good. So, he grabbed another empty beer bottle and proceeded to scare it away by pretending to be trying to smash the little critter. It scooted back to it’s hole in the sand.
Thinking it was over and done with, he closed his eyes again and began to daydream. He was almost asleep when a small boy awakened him with his high-pitched voice. “Hey Mister - that crab’s got your food!”
Henry sat up at once. Sure enough, the crab had torn away part of the napkin and was attempting to snatch itself a piece of fish burger. Henry snapped into action, nearly getting a piece of his finger bitten off by the hungry crustacean. “That thing’s got some sharp claws,” observed the boy.
“I think I ran it off for good this time,” Henry declared triumphantly.
Pretty soon, the boy’s mother came and fetched him and Henry went back to his reveries. The gentle surf and pleasant breeze lulled him into repose again and he forgot all about defending his lunch.
Stealthily, the sand crab crept up to the edge of Henry’s blanket, lured by the smell of oil, fish, and flour. It crept up slowly, seemingly aware of the fact that Henry was dozing. Closer and closer it came to the delicious object of desire. Then, just as it was about to break off a piece and run, a nearby baby tripped, fell down, and began to howl at the top of it’s lungs. Once again, Henry awoke with a start. And once again, he grabbed that beer bottle and stuck it between the crab and his food. This time, the creature was a bit more aggressive and pinched Henry on the hand. Infuriated, Henry raised the bottle, fully intending to smash it down on the persistent crab.
“No!” screamed a little girl who had rushed to the aid of the downed baby. “Don’t hurt that crab!” she insisted, horrified that Henry might accomplish his murderous task.
Seeing her mother’s disapproving scowl, Henry reconsidered and lowered his weapon. And seeing it’s chance to escape, the crab scurried away. Henry popped another beer and vowed to remain awake this time. He was a stubborn man and wasn’t about to be outdone by a crab. But by the time he’d finished his beer, he’d already begun to nod off again. Calypso music wafted softly from a nearby bar and his reclining lounge chair felt more comfortable than ever. The sights and sounds of the beach crowd began to fade away as his eyelids fell. He remained asleep for a good while this time and was only awakened by the small boy with the shrill voice.
“Mister - you’re all red!” the boy remarked.
Henry looked down at his bulbous belly and saw that it was, indeed, quite sunburnt. Even the bottoms of his feet felt hot from where he’d propped them up for too long. But, aside from this, the first thing he thought of was his sandwich. It was still there, wrapped in the napkin and the sand crab was nowhere in sight. “Guess I showed that critter who was boss!” Henry bragged, proud of his efforts to protect his food.
“Nope. It don’t want your sandwich anymore,” piped the child, “‘cause now it’s full of ANTS!”
