Heat descended from the innards of the sun, relentless, and constant. Centipede grass sent feeder roots clear out onto the pavement and into cracks in the sidewalks. It was a sweaty summer. Moisture rose in sleepy drifts, only to rerappear as quick storms in August afternoons. Three elderly men sat out in front of the drugstore on a wooden bench, smoking hand-rolled cigarettes and discussing their respective ailments. Every now and then a dog would stroll by and stop to be petted. Boredom prevailed.
That’s why, when Eva Myers, a cashier at the local dimestore, decided to make her entrance on Main Street, it caused such a stir. Here she came, sashaying down the sidewalk like a character out of a romance movie. Her hair was strawberry blonde and her dress was as short as it could get without the red lace on the bottom of her underwear showing.
“Looka here coming down the street,” whispered Edward.
“My ticker can’t stand it," added Duane under his breath.
“Hush. She’s coming this way," cautioned Gordie.
She tottered right in front of them on precarious-looking spike heels. Each of the geezers sat up straighter as she approached them. “Hot, ain’t it?” she asked as she passed them on her way into the drugstore.
“Sizzlin’,” muttered Gordie as she disappeared inside. As soon as she was gone, Edward slumped back into his seat and Duane held his hand over his heart to make sure it was still working properly. Just as Gordie was falling asleep, the Weavers rolled into town - the whole bunch of them. Hanging off the back of the truck and crammed into the cab, were eight family members and one scrawny red dog. Old man Weaver geared down as he drove into town. It had been several months since his brakes quit working and it was the only way he had of stopping his vehicle.
“Reckon he’ll ever get them brakes fixed?” asked Edward as he observed the truck coasting into town.
“Not as long as he can get it stopped with them gears!” grinned Duane.
“Lordamighty at the kids,” scowled Gordie as the children unloaded, fighting and screaming among themselves.
As soon as they were finished unloading, the red dog jumped out and crawled up under the truck. Eva had just paid for her new pink lipstick and nail polish, and was headed out the door of the drugstore, when here came the Weavers.
"Look - it’s a movie star!” hollered one of the children.
“Durned if it ain’t,” said old man Weaver in surprise.
“Would you quit your gawking,” scolded Mrs. Weaver, who knew perfectly well who it was.
“I seen her in the movies!” yelled another one of the kids.
“Me, too,” agreed several more.
“Let’s get her autograph!” Someone suggested as they clamored around her.
Poor Eva didn’t know what in the heck was going on. All of those screaming urchins were headed straight for her. “Them Weavers gone slam crazy!” commented Edward as the unruly children swarmed her. “They think she’s some kinda movie star."
“They can’t be that stupid.” Duane remarked. Gordie got up and walked closer to see what would happen next.
“What are they doing now?” asked Edward.
“Eva’s done run into the bathroom and locked the door.” Observed Gordie.
“It ain’t got no lock.” Laughed Duane.
About that time, here came another fellow to see what the ruckus was all about. “What them Weavers up to now?” he asked the three codgers.
“Them dummies think Eva’s a dern celebrity from the movies.” Edward smiled. “Hooee! Git back!” exclaimed Gordie.
Then, here came Mrs. Weaver, dragging her husband out by the arm, twisting it hard enough for him to yell out in pain. Seeing them coming, the red dog hopped into the back of the truck, knowing he was about to go for another ride.
And it wasn’t long before Eva came tottering back out onto the sidewalk, pink lips glistening in the searing heat of the sun. She was still trailed by the cacophonous herd of youngsters, but saved when Mama Weaver hollered “Load up or git left!”
Then, Mr. Weaver began to back up, not noticing that a mule wagon full of cantaloupes and watermelons had pulled up directly behind him. And when he backed into that wagon, those melons rolled thisaway and thataway down the street. In fact, two of them were rolling right towards Eva on her high spike heels. Poor Mr. Weaver was so flustered, he forgot about the brakes being out! Meanwhile, Edward, Duane, and Gordie were jumping for their lives as the truck luched towards them. While all this was happening, Eva got bowled over by the runaway melons and was yelling cuss words you never heard beore. Plus, the mule had gotten so spooked, it had run off with the wagon.
Meanwhile, Mr. Weaver and a few sulky boys pushed the truck back out into the street, where Mr. Weaver gunned it out of town as fast as he could. Edward, Duane, and Gordie righted up their bench and dusted off the seat. Then, they resumed their respective places. By the time the farmer retrieved his wagon and wayward melons, things had quieted down considerably. A little dust was still settling on the clay-packed road as the three old men began to yawn again.
And just when Gordie was falling asleep, a shiny blue car pulled up to the curb. A chubby man in a suit and tie got out and started towards the drugstore. He had an impatient manner and a bad toupee. He ground out a cigarette in the dirt before noticing the three elderly gentlemen sitting somberly on their weathered bench.
“Hey, fellas!” he greeted, “Where do you go for excitement around here?”
“Who us?” asked Edward.
“Why, we don’t go nowhere.” Duane put in.
“That’s right.” added Gordie, “We just sit right here!”
