A cool breeze swept along the edge of evening, bringing soft, golden skies. Long, graceful pines danced a dreamlike waltz, while tiny chittering birds swept the sky for insects. “What a nice time for a walk,” thought Joshua. He put on his almost-new sneakers and combed his wiry hair. His renewed resolution to eat less and exercise more looming foremost in his mind.
The neighbor’s chickens squawked in annoyance as they scattered out of the road to let him pass. And just when he thought he was on his way, a large, slightly deranged rooster decided his hens and chicks were in immediate danger from this intruder. As Joshua admired a St. John’s Wort sporting glorious yellow blooms on the side of the road, the great protector spread his mighty wings, crowed a mighty crow, and dived for Joshua’s left sneaker. Suddenly, Joshua felt something tear into his foot, When he saw the rooster in full attack mode, he did not panic. He took careful aim with his right foot and intercepted the rooster’s next assault with a well aimed kick that sent the bird rolling into a ditch. The rest of the chickens took off running back into their home territory, while Joshua resumed his walk, determined to get his exercise.
It was, indeed, a pleasant time of year. Early spring was full of surprising color and sweet scents from the blooms of trees and wildflowers. He noticed a pear tree beginning to show ruffly white blossoms and a pink rose vining up a trellis in a nearby yard. Butterflies winged their way from flower to flower. A gray kitten leaped here and there, trying to catch one. Joshua chuckled at the sight, thinking he should have started this walking business a long time ago.
Along the way, he picked up two quarters, three pennies, and a dime. Then, almost obscured by the grass, he spotted a perfectly good pair of pliers. “My lucky day!” he thought. He whistled a tune he had heard on the radio many times over the years. “This exercising is becoming more and more pleasant by the minute!” he mused. About that time, he saw several children playing on a tire swing. “How cute!” he thought as a mud bomb hit him on the arm. The children feigned innocense as he scowled at them from the road. And as soon as he looked the other way, another mud bomb hit him. “Where’s your mama?” he screamed.
Mama came out of the trailer, decidedly unhappy from the dark look in her eyes. “What’s your problem?” she snarled. Joshua decided not to antagonize the woman. Her hair was disheveled, she was in a state of almost undress, and the circles under her eyes suggested she was in dire need of more sleep. “Best to keep on walking,” he thought as he stepped up the pace.
Finally, Joshua came to the end of the road and started back. “I’m not going to overdo it the first day!” he said to himself. His legs began to ache a bit and his knee kept locking up, but he continued, determined to walk for at least thirty minutes. He walked past well kept lawns and mini-junkyards, past swampy areas and sweet lavender toadflax. Doves called from the trees and squirrels sat motionless on stumps and branches, watching him warily. Sunlight became shadow and pavement became almost black. And then, the gnats came out. One flew into his eye, and another up his nose. He stopped and snorted and sniffed and wiped his eye, only to have twenty more fly at him. When he opened his mouth to draw more air, he inhaled gnats as well as air. He spit, he cussed, he swatted, but they came in increasing numbers. Finally, he decided to outrun them. Faster and faster he went, until they thinned out some. Fanning his face and huffing for air, he ran, until he had almost reached his driveway.
Thinking he was home free, he slowed down to a normal pace. But, that rooster had not forgotten. He lay in wait, knowing Joshua was going to walk back down his road any minute. And, sure enough, as soon as he saw Joshua, he launched his assault. Again, Joshua felt something tear into his ankle. He could not believe it when he saw the dreaded rooster. This sent him into such a state of confusion, that he did not think to defend himself - only to get inside the house where it was safe. But the rooster hung on, dug in, and displayed an astonishing amount of determination for a mere bird.
Joshua kicked, he shook his leg, he scraped it upside a pine tree, but still the psycho rooster hung on. Finally, mumbling something about Colonal Sanders being his hero, he managed to drag himself up onto the porch. Once there, he grabbed a broom and began to beat at the avian maniac, who finally gave up the fight and strutted home to his beloved hens and chicks. Once inside, Joshua fell onto the couch. He wanted a drink of water, but was too tired to get up and get one. Sweat clung to his skin and clothes, but he was too tired to take a shower. The doorbell rang. He managed to inch over to the door, where Lillamae, his niece, stood, looking concerned. “What have you been doing? You’re all out of breath!” she asked.
“My new exercise routine involves a brisk walk every day,” he replied, feeling very proud of himself.
“Just don’t overdo it,” she cautioned.
“You should try it sometimes,” he advised, “It’s very invigorating!”
