Seemed like a nice day for a walk. A good soaking rain overnight had brought out azalea blooms and pear blossoms. Most of the pollen had been washed away and Henry could almost breathe. His old truck was covered in rivulets of yellow where rain had turned the pollen into goo. It was due for a good washing anyway, he thought wearily. These days he was tired a lot and hoped mabe the fresh air and a little exercise would do him good. He almost tripped over his oyster boots, which were full of rain water and a couple of green frogs. He had forgotten they were there, just outside the door. His old hound got up slowly, hobbling over to be petted. Poor dog was getting feeble, too. He unlatched the gate and slogged through black mud to reach the road, shoes heavy and wet.
Little wrens were flying around with sticks in their beaks, busy, busy. A rusted truck chugged by, wheezing and sputtering, hauling an oyster boat on an ancient, patched up trailer, leaving a trail of salt water down the pavement. Henry waved and attempted a half-hearted smile. Then, someone nearby let out a string of cuss words and a door slammed. His neighbor, Charlie, came running out to the road, blood streaming down his shirt. “You okay?” asked Henry.
“She hit me upside the head with the meat tenderizer!” Charlie replied. Henry took out a wadded up paper towel from his pocket and attempted to wipe the blood off. “Gonna git me another wife sometime. Then she’ll be sorry,” mumbled Charlie.
“You’d have to go clear to Jacksonville to find somebody you ain’t kin to,” said Henry.
“Is my head still bleeding?” asked Charlie.
“Yep - a little,” replied Henry.
“Good, ‘cause the cops will be coming for me any minute. I’ll have to plead self-defense.” Charlie went on.
“What did you do to make her so mad?” Henry inquired.
“I just dumped that pan of biscuits onto the floor because I figured she was trying to poison me,” explained Charlie.
“Why don’t you duck into Wally’s shed over there and I’ll tell the law I ain’t seen you if they drive up,” suggested Henry. So Charlie made a run for it and got to the shed just before they drove by.
But what he didn’t realize was that Wally’s pitbull was in there with a new litter of puppies. And when Charlie rushed in the door, she went into kill mode. Next thing Henry knew, here came Charlie again, running for all he was worth, a big hole in his pants leg and blood running down into his shoe. “This ain’t your lucky day, that’s for sure,” commented Henry when he heard what happened.
“Lemme hide out at your house ‘till I figure out what I’m gonna do,” proposed Charlie. So they turned around and headed back to Henry’s place. But when they got there, they found their wives sitting on the back porch, drinking malt liquor from a quart bottle, and talking about what a jerk Charlie was.
So, they snuck out the front door quietly and headed back down the street. “What we gonna do now?” wailed Charlie. “Let’s go on down to the beer store and get us some dip and some beer. I can always think better with dip and beer,” replied Henry.
“Good plan!” agreed Charlie. So they walked down to the beer store.
But just as they were paying for their purchases, the police pulled in. “Go hide in the men’s room ‘till they leave,” whispered Henry. But the cops just came in, got two coffees, and drove away. So Henry went and knocked on the restroom door to let Charlie know it was safe to come out.
“I can’t. I busted the lock when I turned it too hard.” Charlie moaned.
“Lemme go find a screwdriver and a hammer and I’ll come back and get you out.” said Henry. So Henry went down to Wally’s house to borrow some tools.
“Sure,” Wally offered. “What do you need them for?”
“Charlie’s got hisself stuck in the men’s room down at the beer store and can’t get out,” explained Henry.
“Well, I’ll be derned. I been trying to catch up with Charlie for a month now. He owes me fifty dollars and manages to disappear every time I come looking for him,” snarled Wally. “He’s got me ticked off real bad this time!”
“Uh oh,” thought Henry. And when they got to the store, Wally grabbed his tool box and headed inside with Henry.
“Thank goodness. I was beginning to think you’d forgot me,” Charlie said, as the two men undid the broken lock. “And it looks like I finally beat that streak of bad luck!” he laughed, just as Wally reared back to punch him.
