“Iffen you don’t get your behind offa that chair, we’ll never make the church service in time,” chided Mayellen. She was a tiny, fiery woman with a full head of fluffy white hair. Some said she looked like a volcano about to erupt.
“Why don’t you quit rushing me? I can’t do but one thing at a time,” replied Harry, her husband. He was tall, plump, and easy-going, with pale blue eyes and a full gray beard.
“We always git there ten minutes late, no matter what time we leave here.” she went on.
“Is that my fault?” he asked indignantly.
“Well now, iffen you didn’t have to check the oil, check the water, check the transmission fluid, and then check all four tires before we even pull out of the driveway, maybe we could git there on time!” she hollered as she slammed the door.
So Harry heaved his well-padded behind off the chair and shuffled out the front door.
“Would you jest come on and quit fiddling with the derned door latch?” Mayellen yelled from the car.
“I can’t git it to work right. Jest a minute!” he yelled back.
So she sat and fumed while Harry fooled around with the door latch, then the loose board on the front steps. “Harry, it’s five minutes to ten. Would you jest come on!” she finally shouted in frustration.
“Don’t git overheated, Mayellen - I’m coming,” responded Harry as he slowly waddled across the yard.
“Now what in the heck are you doing?” questioned Mayellen as Harry lifted the hood of the car.
“This here radiator leak could ruin us, Mayellen. I got to check the water level.” Harry explained as he went to get the hose.
“Oh for gosh sakes, Harry! You done got the whole front seat wet,” complained Mayellen as Harry accidentally pointed the hose in her direction.
“Well, go git a coupla towels and set them on the seat,” suggested Harry as she tried to wipe herself off with a soggy kleenex.
“I can’t go to church with a wet dress on. Them ladies will talk about me for a week!” she raged. Then, she stormed back into the house, changed clothes, and got a couple of towels out of the bathroom. “Now can we go?” she asked.
“In a minute. You know how this old car burns oil,” replied Harry as he pulled out the dipstick
So Mayellen sat there looking at her wristwatch and silently cussing him under her breath. Finally, she lost her temper. “Harry - shut the hood!” she screamed. Harry dutifully shut the hood. “Now are you ready to go?” she yelled.
“Oh, Mayellen, I done got oil all over me. I got to go clean up first.” Harry sheepishly explained. As he walked back into the house, he heard the car door slam. Then, he heard the engine fire up.
“I’m leaving your slowpoke self here. You ain’t gonna embarrass me by being late to church again!” hollered Mayellen as she gunned it out of the driveway.
Harry meandered back inside and picked up the telephone. “Bob? Git Charlie,” he said into the mouthpiece. “Grab those cards and come on over! I done stalled her out again!”
